FAILING Vs. FAILURE

Thanks for being patient with me. 

Had a few road bumps these past 3 weeks and haven't been able to post. 

But here ya go! 

Finally done!

 Hope you enjoy and are blessed! -Rach

I once heard a preacher say there is a difference between failing and being a failure. I always hated these words because it meant I wasn't perfect. It meant that I screwed up and to me that was hard to swallow. I always thought that if I didn't do something right that something bad was gonna happen to me or I would be rejected... so stupid...I know. But as I started learning about myself 

(though counseling and mentors) its that 4 letter word coming to torment me again...

F*E*A*R 

again trying to cripple me. 

However,  It wasn't until I was in my late 20's and early 30's that I realized that failing was just apart of the learning process. Having that performance based mentality was wearing me down. Zapping all my energy. I had to change the way I saw my self and the way that I was thinking before I started to believe I could change into the person God intended me to be.

There are so many things I feel like I am constantly trying to keep myself from failing from: being that trophy wife so my hubby would be proud to talk about me to his peers, a mom who is there and present every step of my kids journey, a really good friend, a compassionate daughter, a fun aunt, a dependable sister, a nice sis-in-law, future business entrepreneur (haha), a balanced worship leader, smart blogger, encourager, dreamer, motivator, motivate myself to be better at fitness, someone who tries to take care of everyone around me. Its like everyday I am bombarded with an evaluation yard stick and some days I don't even measure up. UGH!!!

And I have to be okay with that.

 I have to be okay with falling short sometimes. 

Man thats hard.

Long time ago, when Matt and I were first married about 3 years in, He wanted to open a deli. I'm a firm believer in helping your husband/wife to pursue their dreams. It was always one of his dreams to do, so off we went. So there we were at the ripe ages of 23 and 21, bright and shiny making the dream work. That process was crazy! Getting up at 6am to feed, and wait on and clean up after  all of downtown Elizabeth city for breakfast and lunch, 6 days a week! Not to mention working part time for my dads church and being pregnant with our first son, Matthew and building our first home! (still can't believe we made it through that, haha) Those years taught me consistency and self discipline and exhaustion I failed at tasks daily.  Because I had never really worked in food industry before. It was tough but I managed to push my way through while in the process. But, I never gave up. I wanted to. a lot of times I did. I was constantly trying to not be offended every time Matt said I should do something a different way or worrying I wasn't meeting his expectations. Or not being hurt by the anonymous letter we got from a customer who said our TV on the wall was too loud and they would never eat our food again. and, Because I wasn't confident in who I was, I was looking to Him to meet this need, this validation only God could meet. My own insecurities and victim mentality was keeping me hostage to, you guessed it FEAR.

Thats when I started fighting back.

But on the flip side, we always carried a great atmosphere together and we really loved getting to know everyone in that season and we really do love them right where they are in life. We met A LOT of people whom we still see on occasion here and it warms my heart that they were left with a good enough impression to still say hello, 14/15 years later! We were so young we didn't even know who we were. We definitely learned along the way. I swore I would never be able to work with my husband after that! haha!Oh little did I know the very thing that was sent to try and divide us, brought us closer together... We ended up selling the restaurant and Matt went into business with another gentleman to start flipping houses. (I will save the real estate roller coaster stories for another blog)...

I really do admire my husbands tenacity and go-getter personality. He always pushes others into greatness. I love that about him. He is so creative and passionate about his desires. When he sets his mind on something, He goes for it with all he has. It must've been how he ended up finding me! *wink* ;)

As moms or parents or students or single or wherever you are in your journey, we all have to allow ourselves room to fail or mess up. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word,

failure as: "omission of occurrence or performance; a lack of success;"

And also, defines the word Fail as: "to lose strength; to fall short; to be unsuccessful; to disappoint..."

We've all been there. We have all walked that road. But what defined you in the past can't label you in your future. You gotta pull yourself back up by the boot straps, and start walking forward again. We only allow the enemy to win when we stay down. What he fears most is us actually trying again and pushing towards our goals and our destinies.

I have been fighting this weight loss battle my entire life. There's not one day that doesn't go by that I don't think about it. Its so hard to keep a balanced and healthy perspective when we are constantly being bombarded on TV, social media and magazines of what we should look like! I finally had to realize that I am not like everyone else. My goals and dreams are different than the girl on the cover. Once I started loving myself, I realized, that doesn't define me. I don't get my identity from being a perfect 10. One day I will run a half marathon. One day I will beat my kids in a soccer game! Im not letting go of those things just because I messed up one day. However, I do agree we should take care of our temple. The scripture tells us too. Every day I choose to get up and go outside for a walk is a step closer to defeating this "giant" in my life. Every time I choose to run with my kids or not over indulge in something I shouldn't, its a punch in the gut to the enemy. I may not be where I wanna be, but I am definitely not where I use to be. And I am thankful for every minor or major change because it means I didn't allow my failings or past mistakes affect my today. my hear and now. And that to me is being successful... I will continue to be best version of me that I can. However long it takes.

Every failure and past mistake becomes a stepping stone to Your destiny. SO don't allow it to keep you down! 

You were born for greatness!

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I want to leave you with a scripture from the best Book around...

James 1:2 (NIV) says;

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you maybe mature and compete not lacking anything."

Until next time!

Much love, Rachel <3